am i better? am i ok?
i guess not. everything’s still the same.
the same old me thinking of the same old shit.
wondering when will i ever get out of the mess i’ve created in myself.
i’m tired. who says i’m not?
maybe i just love the feeling of being tortured.
who knows?
someone is always telling me something but doing another.
it’s been a long time since my family hang out together. and it’s been a longer time since we ate together at the same table. but it was quite a waste. cos i’m not suppose to work yesterday. but last min on sat night i said i wanted to work. and when i reach home on sat night after my friend’s party. my dad told me that we’ll be going out on sunday. poof. angry.
but i met them at vivo city before going to work. levi’s was out first shop. and i bought a long sleeve white shirt and a mini mini skirt. almost just the length of the shorts i always wear. haha. it’s really damn short. and i wonder why with so little cloth, the denim skirt cost the same as a pair of jeans. haha. and my mum a orange 3/4 sleeve shirt. gonna steal hers and wear already. wahaha. then after which we walked around. went to Zara. and i bought the stripy cotton dress. but i didn’t buy the black one, i bought the green one. and my dad even suggested me to wear red stockings. haha. cos it’s for chinese new year.
after shopping, we went mache for dinner. thinking of the past. we use to patronise mache almost every week. now times have changed. ate quite alot. spent a total of $77.70.
after that went to work le. haiz. actually don feel like working cos i wanna o shopping. but not enough staff. so work lo. haha. went to work at 7pm. at first cannot work until 1am. damn sad. but dunno why last night got lotsa late crowd. so was asked to stayed. haha. happy happy!!
haiz. this whole week someone’s away for reservice. haha. oh well.
=(
i finally got what i wanted!!! a PSP!!!! omg.. and it’s the colour i want. ROSE PINK. haha. and Alan was funny. he asked me why i wanted that colour caused his shop doesn’t have that colour. his cousin have to send it down to my dad.
i love you so much daddy!! thank you so so so much!! haha. and now i can play Audition on the go. WHEE!!! life’s pretty boring now. have been working the last few days. hopefully the money earned can be used to clear all my outstanding debts. and save up a bit and go overseas to enjoy. haven’t gone overseas for quite sometime already.
i wanna go thailand, hong kong, japan, macau and so on so forth. more and more places awaiting for me to set foot on.
and school’s gonna start soon. can’t wait. wonder how this semester will be like. i wanna do well for this semester. i needa buck up and be more hardworking. i believe this year will be a better year. i can do better for my studies and i can be much much better. hee!
hi new year!
i can’t believe another year is over. just like that. i told myself to let go of everything after this year. will i be able to? will i ever be able to? i can’t believe i’m ending this year without him. everything’s over. i don’t want this year to be over. not without him.
the past is like a dream. what happens on the day itself becomes a dream to me tomorrow. before we broke up. the happy times we had. it’s all like a dream to me now. a dream that i don’t want it to end. a dream that i wanna sleep in forever and never wakes up. i really wish to sleep forever and not end this year.
can i really put all behind me? i really wanna do well in my studies. but can i? i thought i could face tomorrow with a smile on my face. but i can’t. i believe miracles do exist. but will it exist in my life? do wishes come true? issit true that we’ll reap what we sow? will the waiting be worth? will the pain be worth? is he worth my everything? answer me. someone please just answer me.
what can i do to make all this go away. and start the new year with a new day. my heart is hurting so much.
Happy New Year to you baby.
you’re the reason for the teardrop and the smile on my face.
loves <3
He looks at me, I fake a smile so he won’t see
that I want and I’m needing everything that we should be
I’ll bet she’s beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she’s got everything that I have to live without
He talks to me, I laugh cause it’s so dang funny
That I can’t even see anyone when he’s with me
He says he’s so in love, he’s finally got it right
I wonder if he knows he’s all I think about at night
He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He’s the song in the car I keep singing, don’t know why i do
He walks by me, can he tell that I can’t breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She’d better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she’s lucky cause
He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He’s the song in the car I keep singing, don’t know why I do
So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I’ll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight
He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who’s got enough for me to break my heart
He’s the song in the car I keep singing and don’t know why I do
He’s the time taken up, but there’s never enough
And he’s all that I need to fall into
He looks at me, I fake a smile so he won’t see
above is a song by Taloy Swift. heard it on the radio and found it beautiful. anyone who have this song. mind sending it to me?
new year is almost over. but my emotions are still not. christmas just went by. memories are back again. still missing. still hurting. still not forgetting. still not letting go. still holding on.
baby. merry christmas and a happy new year to you.
:] this is all i can do. hoping you’ll chance upon my blog and read all this. from a distant. all i can do is wish upon a wishing star…
i was so nervous yesterday. wonder how my results would be like. and you know what? i pass!!! although it’s not really fantastic. but i’m happy enough. the last semester, i haven’t been attending much lectures. always absent for lectures. so that i’ve pass, i’m happy enough.
so many things happen this year. i’ve been so distracted. wonder if i can get the course i want. i wanna do finance. hopefully i can get it. i really wish to share this happiness with someone. to tell someone how happy i am to have passed for my exams.
for the last few days. have been going out. went to malaysia last week to attend my cousin’s wedding. looking at my cousin in her wedding gown. i was wondering, when would it be my turn? the happiness. the bliss. the tears of joy. when will i experience it all over again?
went clubbing, went drinking. yesterday zouk was so super duper crowded. there was no space at all. and i black out in the toilet. haha. so embarrassing. i didn’t drink alot. it’s just one corona and a few mouthful of vodka lime. think partly is because of the braces ba. it’s been giving me headaches!!!
i’m missing someone badly.
is there anything i can do to take away the pain.
In a relationship
Lasting till eternity is all i ask
Overcoming every obstacles and the past
Vowing in the presence of God
Everlasting love i sought
Yearning for nobody else
Other then you
Under any circumstances
i’ll still love you…
i’m missing you so much baby. when will this torture be lifted away from me? when…
am i back into clubbing to escape from my problems again. dancing and drinking the night away to dissolve everything else bugging me? i dunno what i want. it’s so hesitant now. sometimes i wonder, those prayers i made at night, does it goes up to heaven? did God hear me? why things are turning out this way? i don’t like the way things are now. it’s torturous. i hate it.
went out with my friends to double o. had a glass of vodka cranberry, followed by vodka redbull and then 2 tequila shots. and yes, i vommitted. lousy drinker ain’t i? after drinking. gotta know 2 guys. continued the night at one of the guys place with baileys. of cos i didn’t continue drinking. if not i’m gonna puke even more. *yucks*. went home at 6 in the morning. damn tired. drowning my stupid worthless sorrows? maybe…
in the afternoon while i’m still sleeping. lovely joanna gave me a nice wake up call. thanks ar. asked if i wanna go for a swim at Jurong East. i’m like. er…. i’m damn tired la. but ok la. met her at 1.30pm and off we went. vincent went too. the swim was not too bad. it got me even darker. the sun was good. should have been like that when we went sentosa. tanned abit. swam abit. and we went off at 4 plus. had KFC. all the calories burnt are back. haha. ironic isn’t it? dumped myself with some chilly pepper meltz and cheese fries. so sinful. fattening. haha.
after that we headed to Bugis. shopped abit and i bought a pair of shoe. now i’ve got so many shoes at home. and i wonder how am i gonna utilise all of them to their fullest value. haiz. temptation! saw a bikini. cat prints. pretty. but it cost 90 bucks. too much for me to afford. oh well. times are bad for me now.
had steamboat for dinner. and you know what. the place we went too was the place he brought me to. opposite shaw tower. that was the day he told me he’s already treating me like his girlfriend. haha. memories are great. just made me feel "badder"(better). that day was a rainy day. late at night after work with some other colleagues. went to have steamboat. so cosy and warm. i miss those days. my friend also have a memory there.
i would have forgotten about that place if it wasn’t for my friend. i wouldn’t have thought of it if i didn’t go. why places around me and things i do have to rack up certain memories and bring me back to square 1? why? argh!
after eating we went to the arcade and played some games to kill time and went back after that. reached home around 12 plus. and i’m heading to malaysia tomorrow. just for a day. and i wonder how i’d be like. cos the last time i went to malaysia, my grandma’s place. it was with him. ya. thanks again. for bring back unwanted memories.
i’m tired. how can i move on? missing him every single day when he doesn’t even fucking care. thinking of him every single day and he doesn’t even fucking bother. i should just get use to this self toture that’s been going round and round after every failed relationship i have.
all i want is to be happy
to be with you
i don’t care about the past
for it’s the future that holds
do things really have to turn out this way
or are there any other solutions
i want to call you mine
for me to hold
not just yesterday or today
but every tomorrow.
i’m disappointed.
haiz. when it’s my exam period. i complaint about not enough time. now that exam is over. there’s so much time but nothing to do.
went sentosa for a tanning session a few days ago. but the weather ain’t in our favour. the sun was out in the morning. but it’s down in the afternoon. bad bad. where’s the sun?
there’s no where to go in singapore. it’s so small. what’s there to do in the morning and afternoon? it’s always just town and more town. boring. nothing much to watch on tv also. haiz. night time also nothing much. clubbing? drinking? bleahz.
yesterday was my friend’s birthday. and i met him. after i drove him home. there was sting in my heart. can’t bare to see him leave. but at the end of the day, i have no choice but to say bye. remember last year. same day of last year. we attended her birthday too. that time we’re still together. i remembered i drank quite alot and got drunk. and we went home together. holding his hand, lying on his shoulder, felt so safe, so warm. but yesterday? all i can do is to look at him. my heart is still longing for something more to happen. can we be together again?
everytime we meet
i don’t wanna say goodbye
but i’m always left with no choice
but to say bye
watching you going off from my car
heading for the lift
i wanted to ask you to stay
but the words just wouldn’t come out
i wanted your embrace
but…
i want you back
i don’t wanna say goodbye
i don’t want you to leave
maybe i just need company. maybe it’s all just an illusion. maybe i don’t really need you at all. maybe. it’s all just maybe. when will something in my life be definite? when will all this come to an end? when will i stop thinking of you? when….?
i miss everything of you.
i use to have a blog which i update very often 2 years back. went back into memory lane. reading each post. and i found this post which i written on 10th May 2005. which was 2 years ago. it’s a story on the relationship of two eggs and met each other.
this is something that i never thought would come to my mind
maybe i’m the worst "think too much" girl you can find
but here goes the story of two eggs
explaining a relationship that i want it to be
out of thousands over eggs
two met each other
they are from different brands
but they still met
one day
He decided to break their shell
the white came leaking out
bit by bit
it emptied
as time goes by
the golden yolk follows
until everything’s out of the shell
into the same huge bowl
two nice eggs that are unbeaten
with their yolks still separated
with the white surrounding it
still not merging
He took a spoon
started to stir
guess what
the yolk broke
right infront of His eyes
the yolk mix together
they became one
and can never be separated again
just like a relationship
out of so many people
two met each other
they came from two different world
but they still met
one day
they became friends
they start to share about their lives
bit by bit
more were revealed
as time goes by
even deepest secret was shared
they began to really understand each other
standing on the same ground
this sparked off a relationship
they held hands
got closer
but still
an individual
after a long enough time
marriage was on their mind
they came together
face to face
a marriage vow was made
right infront of God’s eyes
they got married
He saw His creations became one
He smiled, i smiled
but so far. my relationship always turn out to be rotten. and i ask this question almost everynight…
why do love exist when it brings pain
after each rejection my heart would rain
even after struggling in vain
nothing’s gained
it it really worth to cry?
i really wonder why
i always ask God
what is called Heaven’s Divind
Who can i call mine
from where can i find
and when will our hearts combine.
i’m still wondering. and waiting. when? who? where?
happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me
happy birthday to lydia
happy birthday to me!!!!
it’s my birthday! 9/11. and it’s the day of my exam. the last day of my exam and the first day of my holidays. and the day i have a memory that i will never want to forget.
today of last year. he came to my house.pass me a bouquet of flowers. pink and red roses. the sweet smelling aroma. so memorable. it’s my very first bouquet of flowers. :]
thank you. i’m happy you came. i still do.
